De ce ne simtim singuri intr-un mediu online atat de social? 👩🏻‍💻Why do we feel alone on social media?

Ro: Cumva acest sentiment de singuratate ma incerca inca din timpul facultatii, cu mult inainte sa devin mama–insa recunosc ca a devenit mai intens si profund in ultimul an, dupa ce am nascut. Pe atunci nu cunosteam cu exactitate sursa acestei emotii stranii ca si cand ma aflam pe o insula izolata. Ce-i drept era usor sa alung acest gand ca ma simt usor pustiita deoarece inca mai aveam o viata sociala reala, in afara web-ului (mediul online).

Ce cuvant potrivit, nu? Web – foarte transparent si desavarasit- online-ul este pe buna dreptate o pânza care te prinde intocmai ca pe o insecta ce rataceste fara sa banuiasca primejdia ce o asteapta.

👩🏻‍💻De ce ne simtim asa de singuri? Mediul social este menit sa ne dea iluzia unei vieti pline de insemnatate si conexiune. Vrem sa fim auziti, vazuti si in acelasi timp sa ne simtim inclusi in vietile altor persoane ca si noi, asa ca e lesne de inteles de ce practicam acest ritual de peekaboo sau take-a-peek into someonelse’s private life.

Premiza este buna, desigur! Asta intr-o lume in care imaginea virtuala sau identitatea afisata online ar fi leita sau macar in mare parte fidela cu eu-l real al fiecaruia dintre utilizatorii mediului social. Departe de adevar! Pe langa faptul ca toti tanjim dupa companie si incluziune sociala, unul dintre lucrurile cele mai vanate de sufletul uman este sentimentul ca suntem acceptati si placuti. Iar pentru a obtine acest dar de pret suntem dispusi sa ne (pre)facem minunati: mai interesanti, mai calatori, mai spontani, mai distractivi, mai frumosi, etc. decat suntem de fapt. Nu stiu cui furam palaria, pentru ca practica asta nesanatoasa la scara mare ajunge sa ne muste fix de fund. Ce e ciudat este ca in procesul asta de “transformare” virtuala atunci cand tragem cu ochiul la vietile palpitante, pline de succes si satisfactie ale celorlalti, uitam ca si noi la randul nostru mintim. Ce afisam este doar o bucatica din noi, una care credem noi ca place si aduna aprecieri de la alti mincinosi in online. Asadar de ce picam in plasa comparatiei? De ce ne masuram realizarile si viata raportate la asa-zisele realizari ale celorlalti? De ce uitam ca mediul online nu este tocmai ca o carte deschisa, ci mai degraba ca o serie de carti ale caror pagini au fost rupte la intamplare si pierdute in vant?

Iluzia ca restul lumii are cumva raspunsul la toate intrebarile vietii, ca au descoperit calea cea ravnita si au reusit sa obtina totul, sa imbine dragostea cu succesul in afaceri si cu calatoriile de placere, toate acestea in timp ce isi imbunatatesc constant traiul si prezerva fericirea si pacea in familie. Acest miraj se traduce intr-o stare de neliniste si sentimentul ca ce avem noi nu este niciodata suficient, si de aceea treptat intervine sentimentul de singuratate. Rataciti in oceanul infinit al iluziilor din mediul online uitam ca tot ceea ce e bun se afla in fata noastra. Uitam sa apreciem ce avem deja: familia si prietenii, nu mai stim sa savarsim nici cel mai simplu act- acela de a fi acolo, prezenti in moment.

🙎🏻‍♀️Social media naste in sufletul fiecaruia un soi de invidie, gelozie pe “posesiunile” unui strain sau ale unui prieten instrainat. Acest fenomen este cu atat mai mult resimtit de mamici, in primele luni de viata ale celui mic. De cele mai multe ori suntem acasa cu cel mic si singura modalitate la indemana de a ne simti inca active este refugiul in mediul online. Insa ce trebuie sa stii, draga mamica, este ca toate astea se intampla pentru ca exista acest conflict la inceput intre vechiul tu si noul tu. Viata inainte mamicitiei nu era deloc constransa de prezenta unei mici mogaldete care depinde acum de tine. Tanjim dupa conexiune si vrem sa pastram cumva legatura cu cunoscutii, insa din lipsa de timp de multe ori ajungem doar sa observam “ce au mai facut” acestia printr-o simpla privire pe profilurile lor decat sa pornim o conversatie. Si astfel picam intr-un ciclu nesfarsit, un joc necinstit de asemanari/deosebiri din care inevitabil noi iesim prost.

🤱🏻Pentru o mama cea mai de pret posesie este pruncul ei, iar asta nu e deloc un lucru marunt. Mama este un univers intreg pentru copil, este hrana vie atat pentru corpul cat si pentru sufletul acestuia. E un rol ce vine cu mare greutate–depasita insa doar de frumusete si bucurie. Responsabilitatea pe care o mama o are din clipa in care naste un copil este imensa si activitatea pe care o presupune este mult mai solicitanta decat orice job full-time.

Ce e de facut?

O doza de realitate! Cel mai la indemana lucru este cel pe care trebuie sa incercam sa il evitam cand vine vorba de socializare! E mai bine sa ii dai un mesaj unei prietene, decat sa o urmaresti din umbra. Si mai bine ar fi sa vorbiti la telefon sau face-to-face, daca reusesti sa faci loc in programul celui mic pentru o intalnire cu prietenele.

🍟O analogie buna pentru ce se intampla atunci cand petreci prea mult timp pe retelele de socializare este aceasta: gandeste-te ca vrei sa iei masa, ai pofta de ceva bun si sanatos, insa din comoditate sau lipsa de timp ajungeti intotdeauna sa comandati sau sa mancati fast-food sau junk-food. Ce se intampla cu corpul dupa o perioada mai lunga de timp? Garbage in, Garbage out. Aspectul exterior si calitatea vietii incep sa aiba de suferit. In mod asemanator atunci cand energia noastra este in mod gresit si nesanatos investita in exces in platformele de socializare starea noastra de spirit si mentala incepe sa aiba enorm de suferit.

Afundarea pe perioade lungi in online fara pauze dese si sanatoase ajunge sa ne rescrie complet modul in care percepem lumea inconjuratoare si pe noi insine, ne scade increderea in noi si ratam momente importante din jurul nostru. In mod ironic, cu cat privim mai mult vietile celorlalti prin filtrul online-ului cu atat avem ochii mai inchisi la ce e in fata noastra. Sa nu scapam din vedere care este scopul acestei vieti. Si anume nu sa privim in curtea vecinului, ci sa ne bucuram sincer de ograda proprie, iar daca intr-adevar ne dorim o ograda ceva mai mare sa luptam si sa lucram la asta cu dedicare si placere.

En: Somehow this feeling of loneliness has been trying to get to me since college. Long before I became a mother – but I admit that it has become more intense and profound in the last year after I gave birth. At the time I did not know exactly the source of this strange emotion, the feeling as if I were on an isolated island. In truth it was easy to dispel this thought because I still had some real social life, outside the web (online environment).

What a word, right? Web – very transparent and perfect – the online is rightly a canvas that catches you just like an insect that goes right in it without suspecting the danger that awaits.

Why do we feel so alone? The social environment is meant to give us the illusion of a life full of meaning and connection. We want to be heard, seen and at the same time feel included in the lives of other people like us, so it’s easy to understand why we practice this ritual of peekaboo or take-a-peek into someonelse’s private life.

The premise is good, of course! This is in a world where the virtual image or identity displayed online would be legit or at least largely faithful to the real self of each of the users of the social environment. Far from the truth! Aside from the fact that we all long for company and social inclusion, one of the most poignant things about the human soul is the feeling that we are accepted and liked. And to get this price gift we are willing to present to be these wonderful beings: more interesting, always travelling, spontaneous, lots of fun,  good-looking, etc. even more so than we actually are. I do not know who  we think we’re fooling, because this unhealthy practice on a large scale gets to bite us right in our butt.

What is strange is that in this process of virtual “transformation” when we keep an eye on the thrilling, successful and satisfying lives of others, we forget that we too usually lie online. What we post is just a piece of us, one that we think we like and gather appreciation from the other pretenders online. So why fall into the comparison net? Why do we measure our achievements and life in relation to the so-called achievements of others? Why do we forget that the online environment is not just an open book, but rather a series of books whose pages were accidentally broken and lost in the wind?

The illusion that the rest of the world has somehow answered all the questions of life, that they have discovered the coveted path and have managed to achieve everything, to combine love with business success and pleasure trips, all while constantly improving their lives and preserving happiness. and peace in the family. This mirage translates into a state of uneasiness and the feeling that what we have is never enough, and that is why the feeling of loneliness gradually intervenes. Lost in the endless ocean of illusions in the online environment, we forget that all that is good is right here in front of us. We forget to appreciate what we already have: family and friends, we do not know how to perform even the simplest act – to be there, present in the moment.

🙎🏻‍♀️Social media gives birth to a kind of envy, jealousy over the “possessions” of a stranger or an alienated friend. This phenomenon is even more felt by the mothers, in the first months of life of the little one. Most of the times we are home with the little one and the only way available to feel socially active is to find refuge in the online environment. But what you need to know, dear mommy, is that all this happens because there is this conflict in the beginning -between the old and the new. The life before motherhood was not at all constrained by the presence of a small soul who now depends on you. We are longing for the connection and we want to keep the connection with the acquaintances, but due to the lack of time, we often only get to observe “what they have been up to” by simply looking at their online profiles rather than striking a conversation. And so we fall into an endless cycle, a dishonest game of similarities / differences  which we inevitably end up losing.

🤱🏻For a mother the most valuable possession is her baby, and this is not a small thing. The mother is a whole universe for the child, it is living food for both its body and soul. It is a role that comes with great weight – but exceeded only by beauty and joy. The responsibility a mother has from the moment a child is born is immense and the activity she assumes is more demanding than any full-time job.

What to do? A dose of reality! The most useful thing is the one that we must try to avoid when it comes to socializing! It is better to send a message to a friend than to follow her in the shade. And it would be better to talk on the phone or face-to-face, if you manage to make room and joggle within the little guy’s sleeping schedule for a meeting with your friends.

🍟 A good analogy for what happens when you spend too much time on social networks is this: think you want to eat, crave something good and healthy, but from comfort or lack of time you always get to order or eat fast food or junk food. What happens to the body after a longer period of time? Garbage in, Garbage out. The outward appearance and quality of life begin to suffer. Similarly, when our energy is in a wrong and unhealthy place, excessively invested in social platforms our inner and mental state begins to suffer enormously. Diving for long periods online without frequent and healthy breaks gets to completely rewire us, how we perceive the surrounding world and ourselves, decreases our confidence in us and we end up missing important moments that happen around us. Ironically, the more we look at the lives of others through the online filter, the more tightly we seem to close our eyes to what’s in front of us. Let us not forget what the purpose of this life is. That is, not to look in the neighbor’s yard, but to truly enjoy our own yard, and if we really want a slightly larger yard we should fight and work on it with dedication and pleasure.

Advertisements